TardisBlue Productions

I bought a new camera the other day, a GoPro Hero 3 Silver Edition, and Lizzy, my wife, and I started shooting videos with it and we decided to create our own name and logo so TardisBlue Productions was born. If you go to my channel on Youtube TardisBlue Productions So please look in on our videos and Tell us watch you think. Suggestions of things to do and videos to make will be considered and whenever possible will be used. Thanks and I hope we'll see you soon.

All The King's Men...

To be honest, i don't know why i even try anymore. Life has a simple premise... i mean the description on the back of the box made it sound great, be born, grow up, find God, find love, grow old and die. Simple right? But that isn't the way that it is. There was a time when i thought i had life figured out, it was easy. I'm 33 years old and i am broken... not in any way that you can see, but it a way that matters more than any other. I've spent my entire life being told that i was worthless and useless and that i'd never amount to anything and that i'd be better off dead and that i should just go ahead and kill myself. The hard part about hearing all this is that it was repeated several times a day and it came from a man that called himself a Christian, a guy that once told me that Jesus died for everyone's sins, just not mine because i was too useless and stupid and worthless to be saved. after 33 years of hearing that is it any wonder that i am the way i am? Jesus is the King of kings, but i am broken, very badly broken, and all the King's horses and all the King's men... Will they be able to put The Doctor back together again?

A Hundred Days Or So

The day I've been waiting a quarter of my life for is fast approaching, a mere hundred days or so. That sounds like a long time but it really isn't. I Still have no idea what that days holds for me, it might be just like every other day, but that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, to have a date echo back through the space-time continuum, that isn't a normal day. For over seven years I've had this date in my head, also the number 37 but that's whole other event.  But for the life of me i can't figure out what could possibly happen that would cause a ripple through time.
You know after reading this anyone who didn't know about my admittedly strange ability would think that I'm mostly crazy, if not completely insane... which wouldn't be the first time... by any means. So i wait...I wait...  for the wave to break.

The Horror of Hope

I figured something out tonight. I hope and hope that I'll find a girl, but the horrible truth is I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone.

The Only Time

I'm sitting in my car on my lunch break trying to figure out where do I go from here? It's taken me a long time to get to this point, where I'm ready for a nice normal relationship. Of course it would be I'm ready about the time girls decide that I'm undateable. But then I've always been here, this is the only time I feel alive. Maybe I'm just destined to live a life of single blessedness, but that's lame, or maybe I've missed my last chance at redemption.

The Wait

I've felt for years that april 20th, 2012 is going to be a special day for me. I never understood why. Now that this fated date is just a few hundred days away I've started feeling like something is coming.
I've learned a lot these last few years about time and how the little things are the ones that change your life. I can't shake this feeling that I'm just waiting, which is always the hardest part. But what am I waiting for redemption or damnation? 4 20 12 could be my last chance for redemption or it could be hell on earth.

BulletStorm

I got bulletstorm for my PC today. As soon as i able to get 20 bucks together and and on my debit card I'm going to order the HDMI cable that i need to run the video from my computer to my flat screen and then i'll be to play it on the big screen. In the next few days i should be getting dragon age 2 can't wait for that one.

The Best Things In LIfe....

Sometimes they are free and other times they come at a cost. However having been in a horrible relationship for the last six months from which there seemed to be no escape short of death, the best things in life are the ones you pay for later.  Like my main man Jay-Z says, "If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son, got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one."

The Trouble With Time

I used to be able to predict the future. Purely at random and with a wide margin of error, but usually i was right. The only times that i was ever wrong was when i never spoke of what i knew, so now I’m wondering if knowledge of the future is what decides our fate or if the future is cast in stone and we are tied to our fates much as Prometheus was tired to his rock after giving us humans the gift of fire.
I have found that while trying to change the future one always causes the future that they are trying to change to be the one that actually happens… but then not trying also will cause the future one saw to happen… Ok that sentence made even less sense on paper than it did in my head but really when talking about time how clear can one expect to be?
See we think of time as a linear progression of events, a to b to c and so on and so forth ad infinitum. but that is merely the way that we see time. Of course the other explanations of time seem a bit shit… the timey whimey ball that The Doctor talked about in “Blink” was a good one although that sentence got away from him. Of course time travel works best if time is a ball or a sphere or, perhaps, a torus. the only was time travel doesn’t work is a flat straight line… which would explain why we’ve never seen visitors from the future.
The trouble with time is that we never seem to have enough of it even though most often we boast of having all the time in the world, when, in all actuality, all we have is this second. Make the most of it. 

It Isn’t the Fall

TJ and I are sitting here watching Fanboy and Chum Chum while playing games on a slow internet connection, sounds like fun right? It isn’t. I’m not sure but I think my I.Q. has dropped a few points watching this show.

It’s another one of those boring days. So at TJ’s choice we changed over to watching Scoobie Doo, sadly the episode is almost over. Hopefully I’ll get my internet fixed this week and then I can go back to playing my facebook games.

Bits and Bytes

I’m not quite sure how I did it but it would seem as if I’m downloading too much on my UNLIMITED cable internet. So now my internet only runs very slow and only every now and then. Fortunately my bill cycle is up on 5 Sept. After that it should go back to normal. I guess this is what I get for backing up my hard drive online and trying to restore it in one fell swoop. So my blog post might be a little hit and miss over the next week or so.
TJ is spending the weekend with me and he has been here for less than three hours and he has already spilled a two liter of Dr. Pepper and two cups of sugar. At this rate I’ll be homeless by Sunday.
The worst part of my internet being on the blink is that my phone refuses to work because it is VoIP phone and without a stable internet connection it sucks. Oh, only a week and it’ll be back to normal and next month I won’t have to retrieve my back hard drive so this shouldn’t happen again.

Parallels In Dysfunction

Today was another one of those doing nothing days. I put in a few apps and sent a few resumes but I wasn’t really able to go anywhere because I’m saving what little gas I have in case I get a response on on one of my apps. Which I haven’t got yet but it’s still early days.
So between the apps and the Veronica Mars marathon, I played a few levels in Splinter Cell: Conviction and some of my Facebook games but as far as doing anything constructive, well today was a bust. Hopefully I can get some kind of job though DHS tomorrow and at any rate I need to go to CSED and find out why they say that I am non-compliant on my child support case.
I’m watching a show on the beginning or the universe. It’s good, the hints at M-theory and the other views explaining the big bang were nice. The only problem is that English can’t really explain M-theory. One can use metaphors but it doesn’t really get the point across. And the math… oh, lord the math. I’m good at math, after a significant amount of caffeine, but this math even hurts my head.
I’ve noticed that my titles really have nothing to do with the blogs that I write. 

Dominate Species

 

The first part of today was kinda boring…. I woke up early feeling fuzzy… kind of like that feeling you get from waking up after a hard bender and the alcohol is still metabolizing, I’m not sure why I felt that way, I haven’t had a drink in over a month and to be honest I’m not really missing it. Sure I drink if some one were to place a bottle of my favorite spirits in front of me but I don’t actually feel the need to go out and buy any.

I had a Q&A group at DHS this afternoon, nine of us in a room… and being the only guy in there I stuck out like a sore thumb. Do those really stick out? I’m not complaining, though. I bet a lot of guys would have like to be there. I’ve noticed I tend to get along with girls better than I do with other guys… I’m not sure why… guys always talk about what girls they’ve done and sports, girls talk about why scum guys are and clothes… well mostly the scummy guys and dominate tendencies.

I’m not your typical guy, or maybe I am and just don’t realize it. I was told today that sitting around playing video games, as long as one’s bills and other responsibilities are met, is a valid life choice. I’ve always been under the impression that it was my reclusive nature that made me undateable, I was told today that there are some girls that actually like that in a guy. Wish I could meet them.

I put in a few more applications today and got a job referral for a delivery job for for a Rx company. In the next day or two I’ll go over and fill out an app for it and see what happens. My tendency to drive like a 78 year old woman with bad eyesight might actually be my saving grace on this one since I haven’t had any kind of moving violation in the past five or six years. I always knew my anal retentive method of drive would pay off someday.

Boring Day

 

I didn’t do anything today. I didn’t have the gas to go anywhere and I woke up too late to go to my substance dependency class so I’ll have to take the fourth class at a later date.

I got the new splinter cell game this weekend and since I couldn’t go anywhere today I started playing it while watching Veronica Mars, what you can’t multitask? Bad blog reader. In fact, I’m watching Veronica Mars while I’m writing this. So… where was I? Oh, Splinter Cell: Conviction… nice game, good graphics, nice frame rate with 2x anisotropic and high graphics detail.

So my day… boring… boring… what’s another way to say boring? Tomorrow I have a few things to do… job hunting and a visit to DHS as per usual on Tuesday. Five bucks for gas and 30 miles of travel… oh joy. At least I got my phone turned on and the voice mail set up. I sent off a half dozen resumes today and I’ll probably send off a half dozen more tomorrow. That’s why I’m happy, as fleeting and impermanent the emotion is, about my phone being turned on. Hopefully I’ll be able to get a job out of this, but with the economy… well I’m sure you know how it is.

Overwhelmed and Under Fire

 

Sundays sucks. It’s so boring… sure one could watch tv but what if you don’t really feel like numbing your brain? There’s video games, but also brain numbing. Reading is fun but makes me sleepy.

So I’m sitting here watching Comedy Channel… believe me the irony isn’t lost on me… and I’m wondering how I’m going to get through this week. so many things to do so little time to do them in. Actually other than job hunting, which I can do a lot of online, I don’t really have that much to do. I think I understand why blogging just isn’t my thing… I’m a very boring person. I have a lot to say but frankly, it’s mostly filler, something to past the time.

I’m working on my computer repair certification… I got a book that’s a few years old but covers the basics… it’s a freaking doorstop… And if I can get into school through DHS I can get the little piece of paper that I need to get a job in computers. I’m thinking geek squad minus the pocket protector but keeping the black frame glasses because, face it, those are cool. Besides who would pass up being able to roll one of those sweet VW bugs?

Slow Saturdays

 

It’s boring here today… TJ, my son, for those of you who don’t know, is playing on the internet on my laptop, the problem here is that he can’t read and he won’t stay on any page that he is supposed to be on. So I’m complaining… BFD. Other than that life, such as it is, has been uneventful for the last five or six days. TJ’s mother passed away a week and two days ago, she was 23 and I thought that she would never die or at the very least not before me.

It’s been years since she and I were together, you see we broke up in March of 2005, but her passing has hit me a bit harder than I would have thought. I find myself drifting off thinking about her.

She and I made a kind of peace in the last few months. We could talk and hang out without it getting strange… well not too strange any way. I still loved her. Perhaps I always have.

I know grief takes many forms and I know it takes time… I’ll be alright…. you know… in a little while.

The First

I'm not really good at blogging... to be honest i suck at it. but here we are giving it a go... maybe i'll hone my writing skills... stranger things have happened.